life together.

right now it's like this:
the light peeks in through the blinds around 6:55 when you want to wake up at 7:00. you're not quite ready to wake up, but you might as well. you welcome the morning and the bright sunshine that comes in the form of children running into your living room unannounced.

this is what the day holds, you say. you usually like your mornings quiet, but you welcome the noise along with the breeze through the open door full of questions. because you know you're not asking them alone.

also, someone made a pot of coffee.


so, urban term starts today. that was my weird way of expressing how i feel about it.
our house is beginning to feel like home. and i look forward to calling this place just that. home.

two things:

every time i walk in the door i see this: mi casa es su casa

every time i open my lap top i see this: the ownership of property is theft
i'm still figuring this one out, but...

these two thoughts i welcome into my life starting now.

we will eat on the floor. we will use public transportation. we will pray together. laugh together. eat together. learn, question, walk, and get frustrated together.

it will not be glamorous. but it will be beautiful.

so i guess, let the sunshine come in. let's make some pancakes and rearrange the furniture.
that's all i have to say for now.

respect.

I am sorry if you have felt that i don't respect you.
i am sorry that we do not see eye to eye.
i'm sorry that through some series of misfortunes and twists and turns of life, we may never see eye to eye.
for my eyes have not seen what yours have, and never will, i'm afraid. and your eyes are closed to the new things i see being offered by this world. maybe not blind, but definitely closed. for some well-justified reasons, you do not want to look.
and i can not blame you for that.
i can only ask that we find some way to come to a stance of mutual respect.

i realize that i have not always given you patience, or kindness, or spoken with thoughtful, sincere words.
i realize that my actions have often unintentionally caused you pain.


boundaries.
we need some.
for some unexplained reason our roles have switched, mingled and become confused. who is the child?
i do not know how to solve these problems. i only know how to ask questions, as a child. i only know how to grow, to explore, to wait for guidance, to wait for
boundaries.
because we need some.

here are some boundaries
do not tell me to suck it.
do not tell me tough shit.
do not tell me how i feel, or what i think, or what i should believe.

i can respect your ideas, your beliefs. i can respect your worries, and your desire to protect.
but i must ask that you respect my ability to think, my ability to make decisions, to keep myself safe. i must ask that you allow me the space to grow, to ask questions. i must ask for grace when i do not have everything figured out yet.

i also see that it is only fair that i return these.
i can respect you, unless the respect you demand is obedience. that, i can not guarantee.
i regret to say that i can no longer pretend to be a pre-pubescent adolescent girl. there are so many other voices in this world to be heard in addition to just yours, and i cannot deny them the opportunity of being heard.


conversations.
these, we must also have.

conversations are a two way street.
here's a road map:
ask follow up questions, check your rear-view mirror
understand that i will not drive when you have road rage. i will park my car. and say peace.
i will try to respect what you have to say, but i will not necessarily agree with you.

respect, conversations, boundaries.
these must all happen. these must all be mutual. i can not do them alone. it's not fair to ask that of me.

the end of this will be a long time coming.
but i find comfort in knowing that things will get better.

you just have to let me grow.