soon i will discover whether birds of the summer fly in circles or just fly away.

i have this weird numb feeling that i can't seem to shake.
i think it's a combination of
"i can't comprehend the fact that in ten days in will be in morocco living a completely different life"
plus
"this summer was crazy/awesome/hard and i have no idea how to process it"
plus
"i have to say goodbye to EVERYONE pretty soon"
plus
"i hope i still have friends when i come back. and i hope my brain won't short out and i'll still be able to communicate with people"
with a splash of
"i think i'm addicted to caffeine...my brain doesn't work without coffee...uh oh."

...i feel like i'm in this weird in-between emotion.

it's like this: it's too cold inside with the air conditioning on and i want to go outside and sit in the sun. but it will get too hot out there and i don't want to take off my cardigan. and i hate the fact that the air conditioning is even on. that is both a literal, and figurative, explanation.

nothing sounds appetizing
none of my music sounds good
all of my books are boring
this coffee isn't hot enough
i'm tired but i don't feel like sleeping
i don't know how to phrase anything: any of my thoughts, frustrations, hopes...anything.
i want to sing because i feel like that would make me feel better, but i can't think of anything to sing.

okay. please excuse my weird selfish emo rant. i don't know what i'm saying.
maybe the san diego sun will brighten up my thoughts.
the end.