I stumbled upon this entry in my journal, and felt like typing it out once again would provide some sort of release. I hope you enjoy it in the process.
also, i'm making an effort to be more diligent in the recording of my thoughts.
here goes:
you will find that i am quite u n o r i g i n a l. most things about me are not unique. and the parts i like are adaptations or direct copies of those around me. i am guilty of plagiarism. i would also be guilty of dishonesty if i were to tell you that my thoughts. ideas. methods. mannerisms, even, were my own. and i am mildly fearful that these said aspects of my personality will leave me. at least the few that i approve of.
i am not sure i am able to do this relationship thing. i fail to be kind to people quite often. my selfishness takes over. i run away. it's so much easier, at least sometimes. because if i run away, you can't figure out that all those things are just copies.
faded renditions of qualities i admire in others but fail to accurately capture.
like a poor english translation of a neruda poem, or a print of the starry night. i only hope i can deceive you just enough for you to convince me to not run away. because that will invariably happen.
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